God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
