Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
