I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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