You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
