I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
