Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
