OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
