That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
