Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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