David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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