Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
