haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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