Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
