If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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