I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
