I just pynch a tree in the face
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
