I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
