my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
