You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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