My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
