Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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