I am in a vortex of obligation.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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