the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
