checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
