i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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