Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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