its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
