Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
