my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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