apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
