well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
