I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
