The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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