uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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