Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
