i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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