I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
