Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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