Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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