i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hippo gnu deer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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