Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
