Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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