Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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