Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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