Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
