mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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