how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
