Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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