You're so nebulous sometimes
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i've created a new STD.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
