I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
