actually, I'm a sock model
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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