dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
