I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Text me some of your sweat
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
