I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
