She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
