Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
