are you still at the devil's house?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
