Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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