dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
