You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
