what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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