Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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