Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
