yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
