Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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