getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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