Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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