we have officially lost it.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
