Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
