even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
