Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
