I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
