that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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