I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
