WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
